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OrientedDis.. Disoriented. |
Sunday, June 29, 2003 sigh. Why can't I handle this. [..omitted..] afriend. [8:57 PM]: you signing on put me into the depths of my mind throughly. 'Lin' [8:58 PM]: hm? afriend. [8:58 PM]: I started to question how I Felt about you and it tipped everything over the edge 'Lin' [8:59 PM]: I'm sorry :/ 'Lin' [8:59 PM]: by what I said to you? afriend. [8:59 PM]: it was nothing you said really 'Lin' [8:59 PM]: I really don't mean to.. you know..make things MORE complicated for you than they already are.. afriend. [8:59 PM]: And it's not your fault. 'Lin' [8:59 PM]: alright.. afriend. [8:59 PM]: I can't HELP liking you. afriend. [9:00 PM]: and neither can you afriend. [9:00 PM]: I feel like you intrigue some part of me that doesn't come out a lot. afriend. [9:00 PM]: A happier side. afriend. [9:01 PM]: When i'm down you're really on the top 2 people i'd want to talk to. afriend. [9:01 PM]: ___ being the source I go to for absolutely inconsolable moments 'Lin' [9:03 PM]: blah.. I just erased everything I wrote. I don't know what to say to that, honestly. :/ 'Lin' [9:04 PM]: To put it simply: afriend. [9:04 PM]: no don't bother. afriend. [9:04 PM]: you've already made your side clear from before... 'Lin' [9:04 PM]: it makes me incredibly happy inside that you would consider me one of the top people you could go to.. because I want you to know that I definitely would want you to come to me about anything if ever you needed to talk afriend. [9:05 PM]: oh... afriend. [9:05 PM]: well. 'Lin' [9:05 PM]: (but I need to explain.. if not for you.. just to sort out my own thoughts *smiles slightly*) afriend. [9:05 PM]: I confide in you everything and right now I need a friend more than anything. afriend. [9:05 PM]: Because i'm getting one large head ache 'Lin' [9:07 PM]: and.. then the other side.. I definitely have strong caring feelings for you... but at the same time.. *nod* I think the friendship between us is too strong to compromise regarding anything-else.. while I care for you an incredible amount - to an extent *I* would call "love" (because love, imo, is kind of an allusion which a lot of people have miscontrued with 'lust') 'Lin' [9:08 PM]: but.. *nod* as far as NEEDING to call you my own.. or you having to feel that why vice versus.. it's almost not necessary.. you know? Because you know I'll always be here for you. And I assume you'll always be here for me. And that alone seems almost.. enough... but what I'm trying to get at.. 'Lin' [9:09 PM]: I'd hope.. all of your friends.. you could arrive to that.. without having to find someone to 'claim'.. but if you could develop friendships with that strength.. without searching for someone to 'claim'.. then your worries would be solved.. until circumstances, one day, present themselves to you ideally to setup the type of relationship where you can completely-complete each other 'Lin' [9:10 PM]: haha. ok. so that seemed almost veeery redundant.. but.. just trying to sort out some thoughts at the same time ..... afriend. [9:26 PM]: And then when you signed on I just realized that there were so many places I'd rather be than there and god i'm going to cry. [....... a lot omitted.. ] afriend. [10:00 PM]: god 'lin' it's almost like I like you TOO much to risk it afriend. [10:00 PM]: or to complicate it. 'Lin' [10:02 PM]: *nods* but that's probably.. safe.. I'd always rather be 'safe than sorry' (cliche I know..) .. but at the same time.. that's the story of my life with everything.. and being 'safe' doesn't always take you to the potential *shrug* afriend. [10:02 PM]: What ARE you saying? afriend. [10:02 PM]: Is this at all mutual? :sighs: 'Lin' [10:02 PM]: that in itself is complicated.. but like I said.. I think the only thing.. in this type of a situation... is to play it safe.. and only until things presented themselves ideally.. would anything ever beyond what we have work 'Lin' [10:03 PM]: *nods* well like I said.. I definitely care for you.. a lot.. but too much to mess things up.. and especially since the situation between us, I feel, is far from being right for the potential that could be there 'Lin' [10:04 PM]: and so I don't want to take it beyond what we have, which I think is mutually wonderful because we are both there for each other.. completely.. as we would be in a relationship.. but nothing forced which would infringe on what I feel would cause complications --- God. Am I ever going to allow 'potential'? Sigh. So confused. It's just not right at the same time.. this isn't.. though he's a dear friend... I'm just always.. so confused... I have to go out and drive now for a while. Just to get away. There I go. Always running. . . . babbled Lin |
