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OrientedDis.. Disoriented. |
Wednesday, June 18, 2003 Is this so-wrong? "When I grow up.." I want to be a woman who walks around in a fashionable business suit. I want to be a woman who carries her cell phone and is constantly using it to arrange 'daily-work-agenda-things' (whatever 'work' it may be). I want to be busy. I want to drive a 'luxury vehicle'. I want to have a clean apartment/'studio'-style-housing to come home to. I want a dog (preferably a basset hound :) ) and a caring boyfriend or dare I say -husband - to be in that apartment when I come home. And if the latter is not meant to be at the time, then at least a roomate to keep me company (and.. I'll kick the roomie out once I find my 'soulmate'. haha... this imaginary-stuff is kinda fun..) ... and they have to be tidy.. and *I* will finally keep a tidy studio/living area as well (because I will never be home... lol.. either working or vacationing.. and when I am home, it's just great because I have this wonderful place with great lighting, art on the walls, sound systems, a large tv, the best bed... :P ). I want to be invited to classy and fun social get-togethers, and I want to be recognized when I walk into the room. I want to love my job and work hard at it. I want to have enough time and money to take vacations whenever I feel burntout ... whenever this might happen... and I want to be able to call into work and say that I'm "taking the day off," and for people to understand not to bother me when I'm vacationing at fine resorts - basking on the beaches ... skiing (or snowboarding, in my case) on the best mountains. I want to have enough time to sit-back in my 'studio' and have time for the simple things like watching t.v.. I want to live every day knowing my life is everything I dreamed of doing __ years ago. I've just been thinking lately - currently - this isn't a life I would mind for my future, at all. And in my mind, this seems like a 'life' no one else would object to having either - they would think.. "of course that's the ideal way to live". But the funny thing is, as much as this seems "ideal" to *me* currently, I know that other people have very different ideas of the ideal way to live. Personally, at the moment, the thought of settling into a home with 4 kids and a steady normal-working-hour-no-stress-job seems unfathomable to me, but it's strange to me, to think that this "unfathomable idea" is very idealistic to other people. My 'ideal life' does not resemble the route my parents took at all. In fact, I often look at my parents and wonder how I'll fit in with them in the future. I know that sounds bad, probably, but it's an honest thought. I completely admire my parents for what they've done with their lives (look how great I turned out! .. haha.. juuuuuuust kidding. .. let me assure anyone-random-who-might-be-reading-this that I know I have my own set of 'problemos' and I wasn't taking myself seriously there) , and they both definitely work very hard. But, I just imagine my life being very different from theirs in the future..which seems like it could be awkward.. but I guess, not really at the same time, if they're happy with 'their idealistic situation,' then there's nothing to be 'awkward' about in the future. They can be happy while living their 'idealistic lifestle,' and I can be happy doing my own compeltely separate and different thing. Anyway. I just feel like my ideal lifestyle (as of now) is typically the wrong lifestyle for "Americans" to take in the eyes of our society. I don't know, maybe this is just changing with my generation too, where everyone can be more independent and busy (afterall, studies have overwhelmingly shown that people are marrying later in their lives now ... and with the help of new technology, such as cell phones, our society is beginning to become more accomodating to a busy-person). I really cannot imagine, at this time, a big family with a steady job. Granted I DO want a family - I think - but I want to have an established set of money, assets, and good-independent-memories before jumping into that. :) Haha. That's all. Just thoughts which I seem to be thinking about lately. Probably because I'm going into a lot of separate households with one of the jobs I have, and it's just light and day when walking into these households depending on the job/income of the couple.. realizing the type of house I would want to own (if any.. why would I want ONE house so early though when I could move around the country every now-and-then and experience the different cultures/things/areas.. until I find that one particular place I would just love to live in? Great if this happens early..but I don't want to pressure myself into settling down into one area too quickly if it's not a place I love all-around).. the types of things I wouldn't want to be responsible for.. the things I might want to be responsible for.. etc.. And I just realized.. after looking back on this post a bit... ... . I'm turning into my aunt. My aunt and I fight a lot. Or we did. But I think that's just because her and I are extremely similar. We're both ambitious. She attended a great University (Brown), and I consider myself to be attending a wonderful University as well. She travelled the Country when she was young.. I am doing that as well. She moves around all of the time, but has settled in Germany for a while. She likes to eat only the best types of food... as I prefer. The only difference, I think, haha... uhm.. she's always been better at "roughing it" out there in the world, whereas I like things to be very clean and put-together .... ... mainly just my living arrangements.. I feel disfunctional half the time if things aren't perfect in my living area.. the temperature (which is why California is great for me).. the pillows to prop my head.. the blankets around me if I need them.. etc.. I just like things to be ready for me when I might need them.. and 'roughing it' - like discovering at a campsite that toilet paper is missing - is not something I handle well. ;) And it's really beyond-me how I turned out this way, because my parents are not like me at all.. no one in my family really is... heehee. oh well. I get teased for it. But. *shrug* G'night. . . . babbled Lin |
