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OrientedDis.. Disoriented. |
Thursday, June 26, 2003 continued... So I was at work for a meeting and my manager can be so-frickin'-DULL when he speaks, and I had to get out of there. After an hour they were going to watch videos which had to do with the company, and that's when I decided to become "dizzy." I said that I was going to head out because I was feeling a little dizzy, and then he jumps out of his chair as I'm getting ready to leave and offers to drive me home (in his frickin' nice Jetta) and I just kind of chuckle to myself (thinking "greeat.. I'm not even really that dizzy at all..") and I say.. "Oh, well thanks. But I think I'll be make it home safely without any problems. Plus, how would I get my car back home if you drove me back?" And he suggested that I just leave my car at work and he'd drive me, but, no, that wasn't going to be an option. And I think (damn. Maybe I want to get to know him better.. this is a good chance.. take the cue? take the cue?...) and NO.. I don't. I'm given a 2ND chance. He walks me out to my car, and then he notices my car is a stick shift and he says that he "really thinks [he] should drive me home especially since my car is a stick and.. whew.. it's going to be a lot more difficult with a stick shift AND being dizzy.." ... And I think AGAIN ..(cue.. cue... take the ride?.. no? yes? yes I kind of want to.. but...) and No.. I thank-him-anyway and tell him I should be able to make it home fine, but that if I need help along the way, that I'd definitely be sure to call. So with that I left. And I drive home. Thinking I'm pretty-much an idiot because this was my chance to get to know him better. I'm horrible with names.. and at least I could have learned his name better! I was given several several chances.. he seems like a really cool guy.. and "damn why am I always doing that?! Shit!" (ha..and I'm saying "shit!" now, but I know very-well it could turn into a date and then I'd be coming home thinking.. "shit... what am I doing going on a date with him?" .. yes I'm a very very indecisive and disoriented girl).. and anyway. I chuckled when I got home. Because I realized. Sometimes. God just makes things so blatantly obvious to me. When something is MEANT to be.. things will work out to be that way. Such was the case tonight with him/Zac. He was meant to do something for me where it involved me getting to know his name better at least, and him doing a nice-generous-thing-for-me. Sometimes I just have a tendency to avoid guys helping me out because I'm scared what it's implying, maybe? And I was avoiding it tonight. Because it was obvious this guy was going over-and-beyond in attention for me tonight, and I just didn't want that to be so-obvious. But. It couldn't be helped. I left my frickin' purse and all of my papers in the office behind. Yeah, my mind blanked out or something. I think when he was walking me out to my car ;D .. haha.. no but anyway. I called my cell. And my manager picked it up.. I then knew that I had definitely accidentally left everything behind.. and then Zac wanted to talk to me, so my manager handed the phone over.. and Zac offered to bring me my purse and everything-else to my house. :) Aw. So. That was nice. I missed my cue earlier tonight, but this confirms that what-should-happen.. and what I feel in my heart should truly be happening (like when I left tonight after turning down his help several times.. I knew I should have accepted the help.. something was just telling me that I had been especially stupid that time) . .. I think it will happen. Now I don't think anything is meant more from this except for the sake of getting to know him better on a friendship level, because that's what I feel, in my heart, was the purpose of everything.. I'm just saying.. I think I'll have the intuition to know when there is that person I'd consider a relationship with.. and doors will open.. and I'll take them without thinking about it.. because it will just feel right.. and they will be good decisions which lead to a wonderful relationship. And if not, it doesn't matter if I'm "missing my cue" or not because, like I've said before, things - in the end - simply have a tendency to workout as they were "meat to be." Perhaps somewhat of a fatalistic perspective there, but it's just the truth that I am optimistic in the sense that I don't have to worry about the "doors of opporunity" I may be missing (though I admit I do all of the time nonetheless.. I just have to ease these thoughts) because I know that no matter the circumstances, everything will work out to comprise the intricacies of the ultimate plan in the end. tired. g'night. . . . babbled Lin |
