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OrientedDis.. Disoriented. |
Friday, May 09, 2003 sigh. Ahh I'm so very confused. Very.. almost scared. I don't know. Shit. That's all I can think.Shit. And there's no reason for it. Absolutely no reason. And I'm definitely reading into this too much. And I'm not dying - why do I always have to practically act out A Walk To Remember in my own life/relationships? Someone explain. No don't. I don't want to know. Whether or not I'm reading into this too much or not, it's still something I deal with, even if not now, it could be the future.. and the same reaction. I just don't like being faced with.. even the slightest confusion regarding this.. because I've analyzed it over and over.. and I've messed it up far too many times, and analyzing why every time.. and no consensus in my mind really.. still. Just.. why did you have to direct me to these specific songs? (The Used - On My Own; Sheryl Crow - I Shall Believe; Save Ferris - Let Me In; Teddy Thompson - Love Her For That; Slick Shoes - Angel .. and others I didn't bother downloading, because I thought the IM was logged.. and it wasn't..) Why? If you find this.. .. I'm just, confused.. .. . Any other random songs would have been better, but I can't help but notice a very.. very.. peculiar theme. But.. perhaps the songs have a theme for a completely different reason. .. sigh. And Song Meanings just isn't helping my peace of mind. I don't know if this bothers me.. well I know that it does.. but the reason - I'm not sure of. It's different than previous 'reasons', but it's still there. I don't know if this song applies, but I downloaded it tonight.. it was a random download, and it figures, it would just make me think.. among these other downloads.. .. "I don't know how to love him. What to do.. how to move him. I've been changed. Yes really changed.. in these past few days.. when I've seen myself.. I seem like someone else. I don't know how to take this. I don't see why he moves me. He's a man. He's just a man. And I've had so many men before in very many ways. He's just one more. Should I bring him down? Should I scream and shout? Should I speak of love.. and let my feelings out? I never thought I'd come to this. What's it all about? Don't you think it's rather funny? I should be in this position.. I'm the one.. who's always been.. so calm, so cool no lover's fool.. running every show.. it scares me so. I never thought I'd come to this. What's it all about? Yet, if he said he loved me.. I'd be lost, I'd be frightened.. I couldn't cope.. just couldn't cope.. I'd turn my head.. I'd back away.. I wouldn't want to know.. he scares me so. I want him so. I love him so. Andrew Lloyd Weber - Don't Know How To Love Him Like I said. I really honestly have no idea if this song applies right now... but it's still a very beautiful song nonetheless. It does relate, in a particular way.. if I were in this circumstance.. yeah, I'd turn my head.. I'd back away.. and I wouldn't want to know.. since I don't understand at the moment - who these songs might relate to - (even though you specifically told me to download them).. because I feel they're too random-in-theme to be 'simply songs enjoyed' .. for now I will just personally lay-low.. such as making sure I'm not online to chat, because I really need some time just to stop thinking.. and then.. I'll be ok again. :) heh. . . . babbled Lin |
