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OrientedDis.. Disoriented. |
Wednesday, March 26, 2003 Because this needs to be recorded for myself. Matt (12:13:18 AM): you there rei? Lin (12:13:25 AM): mhm.. Lin (12:14:01 AM): .. Matt (12:14:18 AM): http://www.nihaoyoshi.net Matt (12:14:45 AM): I don't necessarily want your feedback mind you, i just want to spread to word of it's new presence on the internet. Lin (12:15:27 AM): alright. Lin (12:15:33 AM): should I link to it.. from mine? Lin (12:15:39 AM): or do you not want that either? Matt (12:15:44 AM): You could do that. Matt (12:15:50 AM): I'd put a link to your site on mine too. Lin (12:16:08 AM): k. well. I'm not sure I really want a link to mine.. Matt (12:16:20 AM): let me know when you want. Matt (12:16:28 AM): I have nothing in the links section currently. Lin (12:16:37 AM): alright Lin (12:19:43 AM): Matt I love you. Lin (12:19:46 AM): lol, well.. not like that.. Lin (12:20:07 AM): but, yeah.. funny stuff 'sometimes' or most of the times.. and I don't mean to 'comment'.. but.. this is just too wonderful.. Matt (12:20:37 AM): too wonderful? Lin (12:20:51 AM): "..the proven fact is that I am capable of very complex thinking, reasons unbeknownst to me" *grin* ok.. so I'm crazy and found that very funny.. not that it's NOT true.. just the way.. I guess.. you typed it.. Lin (12:20:59 AM): n-e-way. alright. that's all :-) Matt (12:21:31 AM): :-J Lin (12:21:59 AM): in the *entire* context of everything it was a little humorous. I guess it's cool that you're not modest about the 'truth'.. whereas.. I guess some people are. Matt (12:22:22 AM): To be truthful, I'm tired. Matt (12:22:29 AM): Tired of being polite. Lin (12:22:43 AM): *nod* Matt (12:22:45 AM): It doesn't get work done. Matt (12:22:46 AM): lol Lin (12:22:58 AM): hehe, true Matt (12:23:05 AM): You can honestly spend an hour letting someone go before you, if they are as polite as you. Matt wants to directly connect (12:23:40 AM). Matt is now directly connected (12:23:40 AM). Lin (12:23:43 AM): I love letting the mean people go before me Lin (12:23:45 AM): heh Lin (12:24:08 AM): honestly.. it's humorous.. because they have *so much anger* Lin (12:24:16 AM): that someone being nice to them.. just.. makes them angrier.. Lin (12:24:19 AM): not that THAT's very nice. Lin (12:24:25 AM): but.. a little ironic nonetheless Lin (12:24:43 AM): bitter people hate happy/pleasant people Matt (12:24:43 AM): Matt (12:24:53 AM): That picture is scary to me. Lin (12:25:02 AM): lol.. lookin' GQ there Matt ;) Matt (12:25:39 AM): I always dress that way. Matt (12:25:42 AM): 24/7. Matt (12:25:46 AM): I am dressed that way right now. Matt (12:25:53 AM): I'm even wearing my hat. Matt (12:25:59 AM): Okay no I'm not... Lin (12:26:04 AM): *grin* Matt (12:26:04 AM): But any other night I would be. Lin (12:26:29 AM): *low voice* what am -I- wearing?.. Lin (12:26:35 AM): haha.. just.. playing. Matt (12:26:38 AM): lol Matt (12:26:46 AM): What ARE you wearing? Lin (12:26:53 AM): you don't want to know ;x Matt (12:26:59 AM): I sure do. Lin (12:27:24 AM): haha.. ok.. fine.. I give up.. PJs! *gasp!* Matt (12:27:28 AM): Oh and I've heard your sexy voice before, it was full of coughing and sneezing Lin (12:27:35 AM): *grin* good times. Matt (12:27:40 AM): So if I think about that voice and your pJs... Matt (12:27:41 AM): oh baby. Matt (12:27:53 AM): I should send you a picture of my keyboard just now Lin (12:27:59 AM): lol.. yeah.. just don't Lin (12:28:12 AM): your keyboard?.. that.. would be.. fas-ci-nat-ing Matt (12:28:25 AM): My keyboard...and what I did on it Matt (12:28:53 AM): okay correction Matt (12:29:13 AM): Matt (12:29:18 AM): Correction, that picture scares me Lin (12:29:42 AM): lol.. you see the light Matt (12:29:49 AM): lol Lin (12:29:50 AM): the aliens are.. taking you away.. in your sleep Matt (12:29:53 AM): That picture is 3 years old too. Lin (12:29:56 AM): 'the aliens', rather Lin (12:29:58 AM): *grin* Matt (12:30:09 AM): I stopped seeing light Lin (12:30:22 AM): haha.. you always 'see the light'.. Lin (12:30:34 AM): don't ever forget it's a PROVEN FACT that YOU ARE BRILLIANT Matt (12:30:41 AM): lol... Lin (12:30:42 AM): *wink* but you are.. that's not mocking, I promise. Matt (12:30:52 AM): Ididn't use those words, thank you. Lin (12:30:56 AM): *grin* Lin (12:30:59 AM): oh but you did. Lin (12:31:01 AM): somewhere Matt (12:31:08 AM): I never said brilliant Lin (12:31:15 AM): ok so I'm a pathological liar. Matt (12:31:19 AM): I just said I have good social psychology debugging skills. Lin (12:31:20 AM): but I'm also telepathic Lin (12:31:38 AM): :) and slightly crazy. Lin (12:31:41 AM): but moreso telepathic Lin (12:32:00 AM): and 'crazies' aren't to be combined with the telepaths.. so in other words.. LOGICALLY Lin (12:32:03 AM): you are brilliant. Matt (12:32:04 AM): yes. Lin (12:32:15 AM): glad we could agree :) Lin (12:32:19 AM): so you admit it. Matt (12:32:20 AM): I am sleep deprived. Lin (12:32:35 AM): (should I be a lawyer or what?!.. oh yes.. thank you thank you., Matt (12:32:37 AM): My body has yet to hate me for it. Lin (12:32:38 AM): I am brilliant.. Matt (12:32:41 AM): I get 12 hours a sleep Matt (12:32:47 AM): I just use it at the worst times Lin (12:32:47 AM): wait.. I didn't say that) .. hehe.. n-e-way. Lin (12:33:01 AM): you get *too much* sleep. Lin (12:33:18 AM): it's bad for you.. I've discovered that.. it's better to only get 7 hours of sleep.. MAYBE 8 Lin (12:33:25 AM): max. Matt (12:35:53 AM): hehe. Matt (12:35:53 AM): Different people have different needs. Matt (12:36:07 AM): I need alot of sleep to function correctly.....but then again, I never have functioned "correctly" Lin (12:36:41 AM): do you eat properly? Matt (12:37:21 AM): hmm Matt (12:37:25 AM): I woke up at 9pm today Matt (12:37:34 AM): and I ate a bowl of cereal and 2 burritos Matt (12:37:57 AM): (I stayed up all night last night and crashed around 8am) Lin (12:38:36 AM): crap.. that's bad.. I go to bed at 5 a.m. and THAT's bad Matt (12:38:47 AM): well Lin (12:38:52 AM): but then I usually wake at 9/10 a.m. Matt (12:38:54 AM): this was only because of nihaoyoshi.net Lin (12:38:54 AM): so it's worse, maybe Lin (12:39:05 AM): oh, I see Matt (12:39:09 AM): Or I'd have gone to bed near midnight Matt (12:39:14 AM): Oh and friends stayed ove rlas tnight.... Matt (12:39:18 AM): so you know how that works. Lin (12:39:27 AM): no, actually Lin (12:39:29 AM): haha.. Lin (12:39:32 AM): yeah Matt (12:39:36 AM): Well pth :P Lin (12:39:38 AM): it's awful.. nothing-gets-done Lin (12:39:47 AM): I don't have friends Matt. Lin (12:39:49 AM): you know this. Lin (12:40:11 AM): I love how you try to emotionally destroy me at fragile times like now. .... .. Lin (12:40:22 AM): lol. no I am just much too sleep deprived right now. Lin (12:40:35 AM): but looking forward to .. today.. oh yes indeed. Lin (12:40:44 AM): I get to wake up at 9 a.m. to listen to... this.. Matt (12:41:30 AM): lol excuse me? Lin (12:41:31 AM): http://www.pepperdine.edu/studentaffairs/convo/upcomingprograms031.htm Matt (12:41:38 AM): You had friends when you were sick.. Lin (12:41:40 AM): dangit.. and it's not even the one about pornography Lin (12:41:49 AM): (april 2nd)... oh man.. tomorrow is going to be awfulll Matt (12:41:49 AM): or were they there to use your stuff and rape you while you were helpless? Lin (12:42:00 AM): the latter. being the 2nd. Lin (12:42:07 AM): you heard them! Lin (12:42:10 AM): the sickos! Lin (12:42:13 AM): *grin* no just kidding. Matt (12:42:13 AM): lol Matt (12:42:27 AM): They were having too much fun now that I think about it.. Lin (12:42:30 AM): my friends are just sexually frustrated Matt (12:42:42 AM): You got that righ. Matt (12:42:45 AM): <-- Lin (12:42:47 AM): lol Matt (12:43:06 AM): I need to get a girlfriend the second I get to california Matt (12:43:12 AM): But I don't worry because I know i will. Lin (12:43:13 AM): we're all sexually frustrated.. oh yes indeeed. Lin (12:43:39 AM): of course you *know* this. Lin (12:43:53 AM): YOU ARE BRILLIANT. *grin* ok I'll shut up. ;) Matt (12:43:56 AM): lol Matt (12:44:02 AM): fuck you Lin (12:44:04 AM): lol. Lin (12:44:05 AM): HEY. Lin (12:44:11 AM): WATCH YOUR TONGUE Lin (12:44:14 AM): *wink* Matt (12:44:32 AM): Alright. Lin (12:44:36 AM): *grin* Matt (12:44:36 AM): It's getting pathetic. Lin (12:44:38 AM): that's better. Matt (12:44:44 AM): last night..... Matt (12:44:51 AM): A "friend" of mine, Patti... Lin (12:44:52 AM): who wears the pants in this relationship? *strut*... lol. ok. Lin (12:44:59 AM): I'm just kidding. so. Lin (12:45:07 AM): ok. I'm seriously LISTENING. [his 6 minute talk here about a situation where he almost ended up kissing a girl he really didn't care for on any 'deep' level besides attraction and friendship] Matt (12:51:13 AM): So as you see Matt (12:51:17 AM): I really need a girlfriend Lin (12:51:32 AM): *grin* or need to learn how to live alone for a little while. Matt (12:51:44 AM): That's probably true. Matt (12:51:58 AM): I may not completely be recovered from 6 months ago. Matt (12:52:04 AM): I may still think I need somenoe. Matt (12:52:26 AM): But I don't believe that's a bad thing unless it gets in the way of my future. Matt (12:52:34 AM): Like i.e. I kiss a girl I don't like just because Matt (12:52:44 AM): or I get a girlfriend just for the sake of having someone Matt (12:52:48 AM): Those = things I'd never do. Lin (12:52:49 AM): *nod* Matt (12:52:57 AM): But the feeLin g to do them is still there Matt (12:52:59 AM): Vibrant as ever. Lin (12:53:04 AM): as long as you can discern between your motivations Matt (12:53:09 AM): Oh believe me Matt (12:53:10 AM): I can. Lin (12:53:12 AM): *nod* of course Matt (12:53:13 AM): I'm brilliant. Matt (12:53:15 AM): lol Lin (12:53:17 AM): as it is with any relationship Lin (12:53:19 AM): lol Lin (12:53:23 AM): and I don't doubt that :P so.. Matt (12:53:24 AM): no no seriously. Matt (12:53:28 AM): I understand myself Matt (12:53:30 AM): like Matt (12:53:35 AM): disgustingly much Matt (12:53:43 AM): I tell NO one what goes on in my head Matt (12:54:02 AM): You know how some guys are afraid to tell people they have thought about being gay before, because someone might think they are going to be? Matt (12:54:03 AM): Well Matt (12:54:07 AM): Magnify that 100% Matt (12:54:13 AM): apply it to EVERYTHING wrong Matt (12:54:19 AM): and you've got a simply fact Matt (12:54:23 AM): I'd be the best sinner in the world. Lin (12:54:33 AM): well at least your honest with yourself Lin (12:54:48 AM): that way you can analyze possiblities.. results.. Matt (12:54:48 AM): once I realized I have no problem with raping little girls Lin (12:54:49 AM): etc.. Lin (12:54:55 AM): without making irrational decisions Matt (12:54:56 AM): or kilLin g a man Matt (12:55:02 AM): or living in sin Matt (12:55:12 AM): I realized that the ONLY thing keeping me from doing what I was born to do Matt (12:55:14 AM): is God. Matt (12:55:18 AM): And that my dear Matt (12:55:27 AM): makes me have a VERY STRONG association with God and sin Matt (12:55:34 AM): I understand VERY CLEARLY why it's there Matt (12:55:36 AM): and what it is. Matt (12:55:40 AM): I always have. Matt (12:55:47 AM): That's why I'm a christian Matt (12:56:23 AM): I understand that without him I'd be doing perverted wrong things here... Matt (12:56:31 AM): And even though my body... Matt (12:56:38 AM): is a vessel of that... (isn't everyones?) Matt (12:56:59 AM): My mind is still strong with the understanding of the difference of right and wrong and why one is better than the other. Matt (12:57:15 AM): I have questioned deep, deep, into the subject. Tried to even argue for the side of sin... Matt (12:57:42 AM): At one point I came to a realization that right and wrong were just + and - Matt (12:57:45 AM): That it was a SIDE Matt (12:57:47 AM): no right or wrong Matt (12:57:54 AM): like in a war Matt (12:58:01 AM): Both are going to be fighthing Matt (12:58:03 AM): who's right? Matt (12:58:09 AM): But then I quickly realized... Matt (12:58:22 AM): There is a third plane Matt (12:58:39 AM): 1 army against 1 army, is only 2 planes Matt (12:58:52 AM): the third plane is those who are asking why the army is fighting to begin with? Matt (12:59:11 AM): That is the plane I am in. That MAKES me a psychologist to those other planes, a mentor, all those things you read about on my site. Matt (12:59:16 AM): That is why I said all those things. Matt (12:59:40 AM): And in what I just told you, I am sure I could inspire at least one person out there, and that is why I will continue to write these things just as I'm talking to you about them. Matt (1:00:19 AM): You understand? Matt (1:00:23 AM): You alive? lol Lin (1:00:29 AM): lol. I'm thinking. Lin (1:00:38 AM): the whole 'third plane' seems a little out there.. or a little vague Lin (1:00:54 AM): do you mean to say you're "in the third plane".. or you have "mastered the third plane" (understanding it) Lin (1:01:10 AM): therefore you can "educate"/"enlighten" everyone in the 'third plane'? Matt (1:01:23 AM): everyone OUTside of the third plane/ Lin (1:01:29 AM): so you are IN the third plane. Matt (1:01:32 AM): YEs. Matt (1:01:46 AM): I believe people who were great leaders and mentors were in a higher plane than this... Matt (1:01:51 AM): And that seperated them. Matt (1:02:01 AM): Only, they made a mistake Lin (1:02:08 AM): hm. but I think.. I understand how you may feel 'different' as a result, but I think others would argue they understand at a similar viewpoint.. Matt (1:02:14 AM): They detached themselves by denying the other planes have a purpose. Matt (1:02:21 AM): They forgot that God made all the planes. Matt (1:02:28 AM): And that each one serves a purpose to each other. Lin (1:02:29 AM): in the sense that they feel they have analyzed.. etc.. and that they *too* are in the third plane.. only maybe not arriving there at the way you did.. Lin (1:02:45 AM): so does that make them legit to educate/enlighten to the extent that you feel capable? Matt (1:02:46 AM): That is why I very may likely have better chances of relaying wisdom than most of those men. Matt (1:02:53 AM): Not saying I even HAVE any yet... just saying Matt (1:03:13 AM): well Matt (1:03:23 AM): I'm not saying I understand something that others don't Matt (1:03:29 AM): I'm saying my mind... Matt (1:03:33 AM): the root of the thinking Lin (1:03:34 AM): you're saying.. Lin (1:03:38 AM): you can offer a different perspective Matt (1:03:41 AM): starts out in an entirely differeny place Matt (1:03:44 AM): Yes. Lin (1:03:45 AM): at something.. which most people will miss Lin (1:03:50 AM): I understand. I feel the same way. Matt (1:03:54 AM): welcome to the world of ADHD Lin (1:04:03 AM): *grin* Lin (1:04:59 AM): only your perspective, you believe, is probably better.. i.e. "wise".. because it's roots come from an ultimate 'truth'.. of some sort.. but then others would argue.. Matt (1:05:06 AM): I am also saying though, that if I can seriously entirely on my own, try and make a Lin k between psychology and God, astrology and mathmatics, kabalarianism and human fundementals, multidimensional science and religion, Lin (1:05:11 AM): that your truth is merely a subjective call Matt (1:05:16 AM): I am most definetely in the players field. Lin (1:05:43 AM): ok.. so explain astrology to me.. relating to God Matt (1:05:44 AM): But that's just it. I'm only proposing solutions as I see them, because I see how they would work. Matt (1:05:51 AM): A bLin d man cannot look at a blue print. Matt (1:06:03 AM): That is why I mostly work with trusting people. Matt (1:06:25 AM): People who cannot have trust wil never find God, so they have bigger problems than whatever they've come to me for. Matt (1:06:35 AM): AStrology supposedly has a pattern Matt (1:06:44 AM): So does kabalarianism Matt (1:06:47 AM): It is based on mathmatics Matt (1:06:52 AM): and astrology Matt (1:06:59 AM): God put many things here we have no idea about. Matt (1:07:11 AM): he made things so complex Matt (1:07:16 AM): so that we could not be able to deny him. Matt (1:07:19 AM): Are you familair with the bible code? Lin (1:07:26 AM): *nod* Matt (1:07:37 AM): I don't exactly believe entirely in it, but it'd be a perfect example of how he is everywhere. Matt (1:07:58 AM): I think astrology might hold some ground, Matt (1:08:05 AM): if it wasn't for the fact that we've bastardized it Matt (1:08:12 AM): and right now as we know it, it's based on satanism Lin (1:08:21 AM): hm, or how we take the psychology perspective of "availability heuristic" Lin (1:08:38 AM): finding things merely because it is our ultimate will to do-so Lin (1:08:51 AM): it's like playing devil's advocate Matt (1:08:57 AM): Scientists marvel at their achievements and swear that everything can be solved by science Matt (1:09:00 AM): I tend to agree with them, Matt (1:09:10 AM): under the stipulation that science is on more plane than just science Matt (1:09:13 AM): It's God. Lin (1:09:21 AM): i.e. now.. there's always something you can argue/discover... out of something that is SO large and complex that maybe you have no legitimacy from pulLin g it as a source of "evidence" Matt (1:09:26 AM): Science is a pile of protocols God made. Matt (1:09:42 AM): He can break them and make them again if he wants, that's the most defining difference between how I believe and scientists. Matt (1:10:18 AM): You see, kabalarian philosophy states that our names will influence our attitudes in life Matt (1:10:22 AM): as wlel as our direction Matt (1:10:26 AM): If you've read your bible, Matt (1:10:32 AM): you'd notice God COMMANDED, not suggested, Matt (1:10:41 AM): us to NAME our children certain names Matt (1:10:51 AM): I believe it was because of what the name would do. Lin (1:11:00 AM): woah. weird. I just did that kabalarian philosophy name thing the other day Lin (1:11:10 AM): and was noting its accuracies Matt (1:11:16 AM): Wel, Matt (1:11:17 AM): as it is Matt (1:11:20 AM): It's hihgly flawed Matt (1:11:31 AM): because they still base it, unlike me (my thoery uses God), Matt (1:11:34 AM): on astrology Matt (1:11:43 AM): which is based on "spirit realm" Lin (1:11:49 AM): http://www.kabalarians.com/index.htm Matt (1:11:50 AM): which is based on satan Matt (1:11:52 AM): Yes I know. Matt (1:12:07 AM): I've read every article there. Matt (1:12:24 AM): brb food Lin (1:12:29 AM): heh, alright. Lin (1:12:51 AM): I just had a burrito ;x .. lol.. you made me crave one.. since you suggested it, a while ago Matt (1:13:26 AM): okay Matt (1:13:29 AM): now.. Matt (1:13:36 AM): You know how I mentioned that I am not seperating myself? Matt (1:13:38 AM): Well it's true. Matt (1:13:47 AM): I do not want to go to some college to learn all these things in depth Lin (1:13:50 AM): 'separating'? Matt (1:13:58 AM): I do not want to become a scientist who never leaves the lab Lin (1:13:59 AM): oh I see. Lin (1:14:03 AM): you learn what you choose to learn Lin (1:14:09 AM): if you decide to be ignorant, however. Matt (1:14:09 AM): no not at all Matt (1:14:19 AM): I learn what is in front of me Lin (1:14:24 AM): if you decide to block out things.. I don't think that's good.. Matt (1:14:40 AM): Because I apparently am the only one i the world who has common sense as WELL as education Lin (1:14:45 AM): unless you begin to deeply feel there's something wrong about what you're looking into Lin (1:14:58 AM): what makes you think that? Matt (1:15:06 AM): have you ever talked to someone about black holes? Lin (1:15:16 AM): no but I know about the, Lin (1:15:18 AM): m Lin (1:15:21 AM): actually, I probably have Matt (1:15:23 AM): so do I Lin (1:15:25 AM): with either my best friend or my mom Matt (1:15:27 AM): and dark matter Lin (1:15:29 AM): when I saw Contact Matt (1:15:39 AM): And I was discussing these things in steak and shake with someone Lin (1:15:39 AM): oh, and my dad.. yes. Matt (1:15:53 AM): and I didn't need to stop and say Matt (1:15:56 AM): "What's that again?" Matt (1:15:59 AM): "explain that..." Matt (1:16:04 AM): It's not because I didn't know terms Matt (1:16:09 AM): But that's the whole point Matt (1:16:23 AM): people go to school to get the names of identifiers that already exist, drilled into their heads Matt (1:16:32 AM): ONLY to be able to express it to the world, Matt (1:16:45 AM): unfortunately, only a world of equal terminology Matt (1:16:54 AM): I think of things in understanding Lin (1:16:56 AM): 'identifiers'? Matt (1:16:57 AM): I KNOW the pointers are there Matt (1:17:00 AM): yes Matt (1:17:07 AM): does a black hole exist if it has no name yet? Matt (1:17:18 AM): Just because we don't know about it until a certain point in time doesn't mean it doesn't exist Lin (1:17:21 AM): ah, I see what you mean Lin (1:17:30 AM): that's a hyperbolic statement though Lin (1:17:43 AM): simply not true.. you can EXPAND your mind process/thoughts as a result of the more you know Matt (1:18:04 AM): only to get a better handle on those identifires. Matt (1:18:12 AM): my point this entitre time has been that I don't need ot. Lin (1:18:15 AM): in dreaming.. thinking of the impossible.. thinking of things which may exist/may not exist.. philosohical things Matt (1:18:21 AM): My brain has a stronger handle on those things than my peers. Lin (1:18:22 AM): philospphical* Lin (1:18:28 AM): ack. you know what I'm trying to say Matt (1:18:51 AM): philisophical Matt (1:18:57 AM): ops Lin (1:18:59 AM): hehe Matt (1:19:03 AM): philosophical Lin (1:19:03 AM): philosophical Lin (1:19:14 AM): anyway. Lin (1:19:34 AM): I understand, that you feel for the majority of your peers.. I wouldn't argue [against] that you *are* probably better-enlightened Lin (1:19:37 AM): but certainly not.. Matt (1:20:09 AM): but you see, I don't think I'm smarter than anyone Matt (1:20:14 AM): you can only get smarter by education Lin (1:20:31 AM): yeah, but certainly not "the only one in the world".. as you stated above Matt (1:20:32 AM): I don't believe I'm wiser than everyone, you become wise from contimplation and experience Matt (1:20:36 AM): What I do believe is... Lin (1:20:38 AM): I'm not sure if you realistically meant that or not Matt (1:20:45 AM): I didn't mean that realistically Matt (1:20:48 AM): I was being sarcastic. Matt (1:20:52 AM): Like how I am brilliant and all Lin (1:21:02 AM): ha, alright.. juuuust checking.. *grin*.. well.. Matt (1:21:11 AM): I just believe that the way I am headed Matt (1:21:16 AM): Is right Lin (1:21:18 AM): you were getting pretty serious there for a moment. *grin* Matt (1:21:22 AM): and that what I am going through now Matt (1:21:24 AM): and my experiences Lin (1:21:26 AM): *poke* no.. but I understand completely. Matt (1:21:28 AM): as well as my reactions Matt (1:21:31 AM): should be written down Matt (1:21:34 AM): recorded Lin (1:21:34 AM): my friend Ky and I both feel the same way. Lin (1:21:54 AM): Interviews are easy.. we feel as if we understand "complex concepts" that others just.. will never understand?.. Matt (1:21:59 AM): Is Ky's last name jelly? Lin (1:22:03 AM): but that the 'complex' things seem INCREDIBLY simple Lin (1:22:10 AM): ha. NO. Lin (1:22:14 AM): :P Lin (1:23:05 AM): or rather, what others don't understand, consistently (as patterns show).. we feel very.. 'wise'.. or something.. or that it's 'common sense'.. but it clearly isn't, in the world Lin (1:23:13 AM): *shrug* Matt (1:23:31 AM): Alright this might be able to end this discussion fast...... Matt (1:23:55 AM): The way my brain works is like a computer. Matt (1:24:02 AM): It does not need to know what the 0 and 1 are for Matt (1:24:08 AM): it just processes them Matt (1:24:18 AM): understanding what they are for is a CHOICE I make Matt (1:24:21 AM): (being a christian) Lin (1:24:33 AM): and everything just clicks.. Matt (1:24:36 AM): But because I do not need ot know what they are for, Matt (1:24:42 AM): means I can process much more much faster Lin (1:24:47 AM): from there, mysteriously, amazingly.. etc.. but no denying it works. Matt (1:24:47 AM): because I just use major pointers Matt (1:24:51 AM): like computers do Matt (1:25:20 AM): Computers use internal memory pointers, hexidecimal numbers telLin g the computer where to locate a certain pile of information with relative subjects Matt (1:25:27 AM): The only reason it gets complicated Matt (1:25:28 AM): and slow Matt (1:25:36 AM): is when HUMANS try to interact (programming languages) Matt (1:25:42 AM): That is when pointers have to be LEARNED and NAMED Matt (1:25:55 AM): if I am to write what is REALLY going on in my mind Matt (1:26:01 AM): I will need to go to the best colleges in the world. Lin (1:26:26 AM): "the best colleges in the world" :P Lin (1:26:29 AM): .. promise me you won't? Matt (1:26:37 AM): I won't. Matt (1:26:43 AM): But why would I need to explain something that is analysed so horribly Matt (1:26:46 AM): and so evilly Matt (1:26:47 AM): in the world? Matt (1:26:56 AM): Why can't people just trust? Matt (1:27:16 AM): I have proven to myself, and I have proven to you, that I can handle a topic... Matt (1:27:20 AM): So the next time we talk Matt (1:27:27 AM): you more than likely will trust me if I tell you something. Matt (1:27:34 AM): Most people are not like that, not by nature anyway. Matt (1:27:50 AM): They are so afraid of hurting something that is worth nothing Lin (1:27:51 AM): perhaps Matt (1:28:05 AM): only they don't UNDERSTAND it's worth nothing because the poeple trying to tell them are nothing like them Lin (1:28:05 AM): I take anything which people present to me, however, and make my own personal decision on it Matt (1:28:08 AM): which scares them Matt (1:28:12 AM): and makes them not trust them Matt (1:28:15 AM): it's an endless cycle Matt (1:28:32 AM): Me too. Lin (1:28:34 AM): I don't take ONE idea from someone and suddenly categorize that person as omniscient in helping me Matt (1:28:44 AM): I don't either. Matt (1:28:53 AM): But when that person says 3 things Matt (1:28:57 AM): and those 3 things are right Matt (1:29:04 AM): I at least listen to the the fourht Lin (1:29:09 AM): I take everything (which is why an education is good).. and decide what is legit.. based upon the foundations of 'truth' Matt (1:29:13 AM): When I read the bible,I read it defensively Lin (1:29:14 AM): and.. etc.. you know this already. Matt (1:29:22 AM): not wide eyed Lin (1:29:34 AM): *nod* Matt (1:29:40 AM): And that's another thing... Matt (1:29:50 AM): If I understand that, I really have no amibitions to understand everything in the world Matt (1:29:51 AM): Like Matt (1:29:55 AM): I could be the best engineer! Matt (1:29:59 AM): I could be the best this! Matt (1:30:00 AM): Blah blah Matt (1:30:02 AM): Who cares? Matt (1:30:12 AM): It's pointless to the bigger picture Lin (1:30:25 AM): *nod* Matt (1:30:29 AM): I'd rather be a key to unlocking the passions than be part of a passion Matt (1:30:38 AM): I'm the guy that works at a recruiting station Matt (1:30:43 AM): for the army Matt (1:31:03 AM): I talk to people and discuss decisions to them Matt (1:31:11 AM): That's all. Matt (1:31:14 AM): I'm happy doing that. Matt (1:31:19 AM): Only lately...I've become burnt out Matt (1:31:24 AM): Because I've neglected my OWN life Matt (1:31:43 AM): and treated people I've been there for as a project Matt (1:31:45 AM): BAD IDEA Matt (1:31:50 AM): You get attached to your projects Matt (1:31:53 AM): and when they fail you get hurt Lin (1:32:01 AM): haha. you're amazing to me right now.. I'm listening to *myself* Matt (1:32:05 AM): Needless to say, my friends are druggies and assholes. Matt (1:32:11 AM): So I need ot get out of here. Lin (1:32:22 AM): :P no, but seriously.. yes I know... very-much-so.. currently as life has been lately for me as well. Matt (1:32:24 AM): For at the very least a vacation. Matt (1:32:36 AM): But you see.. Matt (1:32:42 AM): No one understands why i want to move to california.... Lin (1:32:44 AM): except I want to get out of college, sadly.. or I don't know what exactly I want.. but I know I'm not going in the right direction.. Matt (1:32:45 AM): It's quite simple. Lin (1:32:52 AM): because it ties into what society wants for me Matt (1:32:57 AM): I am going to be miserable for the rest of my life fighting endless demons... Matt (1:33:03 AM): why not be in a surrounding that I can enjoy? Lin (1:33:33 AM): and it's quite obvious to me, lately, that it's not what I want.. and enjoy.. and can be happy doing in life.. and I'm going to fall into the ultimate trap of living "American" my whole life.. not ever *doing* anything really. Matt (1:33:39 AM): Of course you already understand these things rei Matt (1:33:43 AM): You are into computers. Matt (1:33:50 AM): Anyone who is, is fascinated by architecture Matt (1:33:56 AM): which is what i"m talking about this whole time Matt (1:34:01 AM): social and mental architecture Matt (1:34:06 AM): you undersand everything Iv'e said so fr. Matt (1:34:08 AM): far* Lin (1:34:10 AM): which is why I'm going into cognitive science :) Lin (1:34:22 AM): hurray. and leaving business behind.. as tough of a decision as that is. Matt (1:34:27 AM): heh Matt (1:34:29 AM): Rei Matt (1:34:32 AM): You know I respect you? Lin (1:35:03 AM): I suppose, or I wouldn't talk to you :P Matt (1:35:08 AM): It's because I know you can hold your own. It's because I know you are capable of the same things I'm capable of. Matt (1:35:18 AM): It is SO hard for me to have RESPECT for people I help Matt (1:35:22 AM): All I have is politeness. Matt (1:35:32 AM): It's the same thing to them, but I know the difference. Matt (1:35:37 AM): I feel the difference. Matt (1:35:43 AM): And that is why I don't belong here anymore. Matt (1:35:50 AM): I have no respect for anyone here. Matt (1:35:57 AM): They don't even understand why. Matt (1:36:01 AM): They think I hate them. Matt (1:36:07 AM): They think there is something wrong with me. Matt (1:36:10 AM): I told my mother to fuck off. Matt (1:36:15 AM): There is something wrong with me. Matt (1:36:36 AM): I don't respect them, because they are no longer interested in becoming the best they can be. Lin (1:36:42 AM): sigh. I know what it's like. Lin (1:36:47 AM): I used to be in that situation.. back home.. Matt (1:36:57 AM): Old people suck rei. Lin (1:36:58 AM): my family didn't even want me to go on the "family vacation" they're going on this summer Matt (1:37:00 AM): So do young people. Lin (1:37:02 AM): they wanted to leave me behind Matt (1:37:07 AM): heh Lin (1:37:07 AM): my entire family.. not just the old.. Lin (1:37:21 AM): my sibLin gs.. heh, they don't understand me (as a result of the 'elders', mind you) Lin (1:37:38 AM): I fought so many insane fights in front of my sibLin gs.. it makes me sad.. that my parents put me up to that Lin (1:38:12 AM): and now I have to live with that.. or they have to live with the mentality of someone who was always fighting.. because the logic which was fighting me was backwards, many times.. and I don't CARE how "young" they were. Lin (1:38:21 AM): er, *I* was.. rather. Matt (1:38:43 AM): my mom is stuck in hre childhood and talks too much and has the immaturity and emotional stability of a 10 year old, my dad is a freak as far as his beliefs go because he bases them on fear and not education (did I mention he thinks dancing is a sin because people associate it with sex? Normal person: Well, then take the sex outof it, Him: Take the dance out of your life!.)> he is obviously a problem ovoider, not a problem solver. Lin (1:38:59 AM): I seriously think my mind has been well-advanced for many years, not to sound haughty, but I know how to plan things on a very large-broad-perspective Matt (1:39:02 AM): Avoider* Lin (1:39:07 AM): I can see the 'big picture' easily Lin (1:39:16 AM): that's how I managed to climb my way to the top in high school.. Lin (1:39:22 AM): that's why I'm a Christian Matt (1:39:49 AM): lol@you being just like me Lin (1:39:50 AM): because this world is obviously very evil.. on a very LARGE aspect.. and it is headed in that direction.. in every way... so.. Matt (1:39:52 AM): we need to get married. Matt (1:39:55 AM): like last year Lin (1:39:56 AM): lol Matt direct connection is closed (1:40:29 AM). Lin (1:40:29 AM): anyway. yeah. so we understand each other. Matt (1:40:41 AM): so can I move in or? Matt (1:40:42 AM): /clea Matt (1:40:44 AM): lol Lin (1:40:58 AM): *wink* Lin (1:41:54 AM): if I recorded this convo. in a journal, is that ok with you?.. I'm torn on whether or not I actually would.. but I think it was a great conversation.. because I managed to see/portray some of my thoughts which are hard to bring out sometimes.. Matt (1:42:06 AM): ditto. Lin (1:42:08 AM): when you don't have any.. you know.. leverage from the other side.. to kind of move your thoughts along Matt (1:42:24 AM): It's okay withme Matt (1:42:34 AM): as long as you make sure to remember I'M BRILLIANT Lin (1:42:40 AM): alright.. just wanted to ask for privacies'-sake :P Lin (1:42:43 AM): haha.. of course.. Lin (1:43:02 AM): but I'm just a liiiiittle MORE "brilliant" Lin (1:43:04 AM): ;) Lin (1:43:07 AM): haha. and we clash. Lin (1:43:12 AM): so-much-for-agreeing Lin (1:43:17 AM): *wink* Matt (1:43:18 AM): nah you just talk more. Matt (1:43:20 AM): lol Lin (1:43:22 AM): lol Lin (1:43:28 AM): eh... Lin (1:43:37 AM): I'm not going to argue.. and I don't care WHAT you say that means. Lin (1:43:51 AM): because I'm more sleep deprived than you Lin (1:43:54 AM): and THAT'S A FACT. Matt (1:44:03 AM): sure is Lin (1:44:04 AM): so I have a legit reason. so I get the last word. that I am brilliant. Lin (1:44:09 AM): more brilliant. *wink* Matt (1:44:12 AM): Sure are. Matt (1:44:15 AM): Will you marry me? Lin (1:44:57 AM): haha.. hey! watch those words! .. 4 words.. seriously.. you want to save those for someone you truly truly care for in every aspect of reality Lin (1:45:08 AM): but it was a cute thought *wink* Matt (1:45:08 AM): Yep. Lin (1:45:14 AM): night.. I'm running off.. tiiiired Lin (1:45:20 AM): and I'm nooooooot goiiiiiiing tomorrow Matt (1:45:34 AM): You just said that to prove you were brilliant ddin't you Lin (1:45:35 AM): oh. and this is the major I'm thinking of "creating" (since it's not offered at the school) ..http://departments.oxy.edu/career/monographs/cognitivescience/cognitivescience.htm Matt (1:46:02 AM): I always thought the word was "coagnative" Lin (1:46:05 AM): what do you think? .. there's a lot of opposition against me with it.. wish me luck.. prayer.. whichever. Matt (1:46:24 AM): Luck is a form of stupidity...I'll pray Matt (1:46:27 AM): actually works. Lin (1:46:29 AM): lol. I know. Lin (1:46:46 AM): I almost followed that by.. 'whichever.. ha'.. but.. figured you'd correct me anyway Lin (1:46:48 AM): *grin* Lin (1:47:09 AM): take care. get some sleeep. Lin (1:47:11 AM): night. Matt (1:47:15 AM): night rei . . . babbled Lin |
