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OrientedDis.. Disoriented. |
Saturday, July 20, 2002 piano poetry I'm not sure it's something that I will particularly ever be able to forget. It was probably one of the more special moments at my time in Seattle - and to think I was extremely inclined to not do this... I'm glad that I took the risk and decided to go against my fear... my fear of performing. Performing a piece I've learned on the piano in front of people is enough fear by itself, but performing a piece on the piano which I've personally composed.. it just doesn't happen.. ever. We were given one assignment at the beginning of the conference - to come up with something to represent ourselves in the statement "Who am I" - we had 2 days to think about it. The days went by, and finally it was the night where everyone had to have prepared something.. I had absolutely nothing ready. The option of simply going up in front of everybody and talking seemed OK, but it was completely un-original and boring... I knew that I could play the piano.... I didn't even have a particular song which I've composed that I could play in-front of every body.. heh.. I simply have a song which I add to - as in a bar of music being added every 2 months... I have a "theme" I start off in the song, but then there is no ending and I simply go with the song as my heart moves me - it's like my poetry - but with no ending. Playing the piano was a perfect option for the "Who am I" project because the music completely represents me.. it's like the notes are created on the basis of what my life has been.. and where it is now... all wrapped up with my dreams intermingled between the lines.... only there was one major problem.... heh..... that I am very scared to perform my personal music (more-so than a piece written by someone else) on the piano..... there are two things I don't let people hear/read - my composed music and my written poetry... written poetry sometimes, but not if it's extremely important to me. Half the people went by with their projects - so much talent! - singing.. photography.. complicated charts.. creative ideas. ... finally... I decided.... I was going to play. Everyone had to walk to an entire different area in the dorm/college area we were staying, and then we ran into a chinese guy playing on the piano with a huge group of chinese people sitting on the couches in front of the people... hehe.. when they saw our huge group coming though.. they thankfully moved.. and the guy got up from the piano (and they left... thankfully again). anyway... I stood on top of the piano chair... everyone encouraged the grand piano top to be opened (I was very "uh.. it doesn't matter" type attitude.. shy).. I told people a very few aspects about myself as I wouldn't expect everyone to get the same interpretation of me through my music, but that my music really did represent who I am.. and that they could take what they want from it.... remember.. I didn't have any song prepared.. there was no ending to it... so I timidly placed my hands on the piano.. not sure where they were going to take me... but my heart would guide me.. and I left it up to that. I can't exactly remember what I played at all... there is only a general 'theme' to part of the song I know for sure, but what I played after that is a blur in my mind. What I do know - after I finished playing... brought my song to a calming end... everyone clapped enthusiastically, and praised me for how well I played. My mother has really been of help in my life with my realization that I should accept compliments - I simply try to thank people for them now instead of brushing them off or downplay them like I used to do. I've never been comfortable with people giving me compliments for some reason. *shrug* The feeling after I was done playing was amazing. I had taken a risk and everyone was awed by my playing, apparently... and it's not that they were 'awed by my playing' which gets to me... it's that they were appreciative, supportive, and encouraging after I played that particular song for them.. and that song was me. I've never played that for anyone before, much-less did I ever imagine I would play it for such a large group of people (who had so much personal talent of their own..) .... it was really something-else (which I can't begin to describe in words). While walking back to the other room a guy said to me: "dude, your playing just gave me goosebumps.." and I thought he was kidding and I said.. "ohhhh sure.." and he replied: "you don't believe me? look at my arm..." he lifted the sleeve to his sweatshirt and there were goosebumps up his entire arm.... woah. . . . babbled Lin |
