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OrientedDis.. Disoriented. |
Friday, June 28, 2002 "success" it's strange - this 'fame' that appears to follow me around. I hate talking about it because everything starts to embarrass me. I don't want to sound as-if I might have things better than anyone else, because I believe I don't, and it bothers me when other people undermine their own potential and personal achievements as a result of comparison. Those people who are first-and-foremost focused on their own goals and dreams (if there's a difference between the two?), without acknowledging the constraints that society would like to say there are, those are the people who can, and probably will, be successful. And most importantly - what their critics will always miss - success is not determined by numerous large-achievements in the world's view, or a monetary value... success is having the ability to pursue your passion while making progress in the meantime. *shrug* My point - there are no limits unless you think there are. "You become what you think about." (where have I heard that?..probably many places). The original title of this entry was "adjusting..." .. but.. I think a more appropriate title would be "success" (or some-other-*creative*-way-to-say-"success") now. It just feels hard to escape sometimes. As I was telling my friend Alex the other day - it's starting to feel overwhelming. I'm not sure if it's the fact because I feel I'm living up to other people's expectations now, or fear that I can't meet my own. The attention that comes with the fact that I've decided to attend Pepperdine University, and the attention surrounding everything else. It feels as if I can't get away from anyone in this city without first being introduced by my name and a string of my "achievements" which follow... and then whoever I'm being introduced to always "recognizes" my name (or do they just say they do because they feel it would be appropriate to know my name?), and etc. etc... it seems to always be the same. This aspect of my life is a major reason why I chose to go out of state for college. I will be annonymous, and I think it will help me grow further as an individual. "Fame" can (I want to say -will-..but..I don't really know) undoubtedly lead to arrogance, and arrogance - in my opinion - can be the largest thing to hinder someone in their pursuit of their goals/dreams. I would like to say that my personal recognition has not led to such things as arrogance, yet, but I suppose I won't really know if it did until looking back at this 5-10-15 years from now; however, my goal is to avoid it in whichever-means is visible to me currently. I feel that my life has been meaningful (not that other peoples' haven't been) over these past years. I feel that there is definitely room to grow in personal character. And I will admit that there have been some fun/nice/luxory-type things which revolve around 'fame' that I have enjoyed - people who tell me "it was nice to meet you.. even though I probably already knew more about you than you realize.." (today) .. being able to get around 'rules' easier... the immediate respect (when speaking with me at least.. who knows what they really think.. I'm so skeptical/conscious sometimes about how people view me that it's ridiculous.. I should go into politics ... ha.. mm, NO.) But it will be good to get away - start 'fresh' (in a way), and see where God takes me in life. That's a major thing also, that is sometimes hard to tell people - everything I have become and accomplished, I believe - and feel fully - that God has blessed me with everything and has been a key source in guiding my heart in what I should do. That's not to say I've been this wonderful "Christian" in "Christian-standards", but I have tried my best to follow my heart according to God, and to have faith that things will happen according to His will. There have been times when I have been so lost and hopeless, but He has always been along my side guiding me, protecting me, and picking me back up onto my feet.. telling me that I can, and must, move on. That sounds like life has been an "enduring" process for me, and it has, but overall it has been a joy and a blessing. . . . babbled Lin |
