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OrientedDis.. Disoriented. |
Sunday, June 23, 2002 foresight eh.. I forgot to talk about this as I said I would "below" in the other post. oh well.. the 'foresight' will replace this type sometime later. -- and here it is.. even though it seems pretty insignificant to write about it after I "foresaw" this days ago - like I always say, if I waited even only an hr. to post something I wrote, then nothing would probably ever be posted in here at all. Things (feelings, ideas, thoughts.. etc.) usually seem to have evanesced over waiting a short period of time -for better or worse? I consider it a *good* thing I suppose.. that way I never get too deep into a straight-line process of thinking/emotion, though I'm sure there are 'themes' to my overall-"character" (which would include thinking/emotion) which start to appear on the surface throughout my posts. oh! anyway! foresight! (heehee.. I just go-off onto a completely different subject from my original intent of posting..) I was sitting in this health-juice-drinkplace (what to call it?), and there were these guys sitting around these obnoxiously loud girls. The girls all looked like model-material, and I can't help but notice that girls who know they look good always seem to have this horrible attitude and confidence. Confidence is good, but their type of confidence is more in the.. obnoxious?.. sense of things. I don't know, maybe anyone who gives off the confidence-aura is *automatically* packaged with the obnoxious-aura as well, whether they're aware of it or not... so does that include me? I consider myself very confident on outward appearance (in the business sense - not because I consider myself beautiful) - but often terrified or paranoid inside. These guys were asking the girls about what their plans were now that they were 'graduated' (from high school?..college?). The girls: "uuuuuuuuuh.. I don't know.. *laughing hysterically*" A guy: "you should all go be beach girls.." The girls: "uh, sounds like a plan! *laughing hysterically*" Then after hearing all of this I wondered - "what if they do all decide to become 'beach girls'?" "is this your typical 'beach girl'?" "...what if this is how all of the girls are like at Pepperdine?.. I bet this is how they're all like.." And so my judgmental foresight was that everyone on the campus is going to be like this. Why am I so paranoid that everyone is going to be beautiful and rich.. and unaccepting? I think it's because whenever anyone asks me where I'm going to college, I tell them, and they say something similar to: "Woooow.. hanging out with all of the movie stars and rich kids huh?.." "Preppydine?" etc.etc.etc. When I was walking around the campus I felt completely comfortable (which is obviously one of the reasons I decided to attend there), except for the fact that everyone looked very put-together. *shrug* Don't get me wrong, that's the type of person I am too - very conscious of appearance.. I care about it at least (because I have to with my job.. the 'professional' appeal), but I want to feel comfortable where that's not the expectation/standard all of the time (because I wouldn't be able to afford it, but it seems everyone there does). lol, I feel really dumb right about now.. writing about this concern, but I go to orientation this Saturday! Flying out to the Malibu, CA area.. for the first time alone on that campus, and there are parts to the campus I never was able to see on my two visits with my family. *shrug* Anticipating.. excitement, but, a little scared. . . . babbled Lin |
