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OrientedDis.. Disoriented. |
Wednesday, February 27, 2002 sooo.. what. Sometimes my mother/parents (dad especially included)/family(siblings) can really piss me off. My dad because of his extreme anger and his loss of control over it a lot.. his perfectionism.. drives me insane. My siblings because of how unfairly they see me as a person. My mother because of how incredibly cheap she is. I received a really huge honor today. Yes, among several other small/big honors I've received in the past and currently, but this one meant a great deal to me. I received $16,000 from a college for coming in 1st place on a competetive test, heh. I flew all of the way to Portland, OR so that I could try for scholarship money by taking this test.. taking a big chance because I don't always do *so* great on m/c tests which are 'standardized' (due to lack of time), but after taking the test I knew I had done a very decent job on the essay portion. Anyway... getting back to the point.. I was hoping my mother, or maybe my dad, possibly both.. would take me out to dinner of my choice.. just so we could chat and like a 'good job' type dinner. something. But no, my mother has to go to the cheapest fast food place of my sister and brother's choice - comparable to taco bell (bleh!) - even after I directly asked her, first, if we could eat out somewhere *nice* for once. I'm just not eating tonight I guess. I told her not to get me anything from tacohell (wherever they went).. that food is just disgusting after a while. I hate to sound cocky or something, but honestly, I get nothing from my parents for accomplishments I do or honors I receive. I guess the fact that a lot of people I know get a lot of money for each A they get.. or get new cars for some very small thing they do.. ugh.. I guess it doesn't really matter. For me though, it's just like, "oh wow.. great.. have you done your chores?? Do the d&^$ chores already.." (ok, maybe not that harsh, but similar).. and on top of that.. my mother decides to go see the class rings ($100 and up..) which are being offered tonight.. for who?.. oh.. that would be - my sister - I have never got a class ring.. not a class jacket.. NOTHING.. despite me expressing my interest in getting some type of 'memorabilia' from my high school sometimde during my time in hs, but NOOOOO.. my mother always complains how 'expensive' it is.. and after a while it's like.. screw it.. I'm not going to beg my parents for anything.. and even things I have... things are never given to me without any 'attachment' to it. They bought me a crappy computer two years ago (I know I should be grateful no-matter how 'crappy' it is.. but seriously!), heh, and now they threaten to take it away every day just because 'they can' because 'they bought it'. Isn't that nice. A 'gift' which always has the possibility of being taken from me at any time. So.. no.. I won't be getting any 'memorabilia'.. while my sister gets hers.. 3-4 years from graduating.. and me graduating this year. Whatever. I don't care. God. I'm grateful for the things I'm receiving from other people as the result of work I've done in my past. .. fine. heh.. oh wait.. who the heck is really benefitting by all of this scholarship money?... well that would be my parents.. considering many parents feel somewhat comfortable with expecting to pay some of their child's college/university expenses.. but my parents?.. ugh. The thing is.. we're not even poor like that. My parents have 'decent' jobs.. but my mom is always acting like we're flat-out broke. The only way I ever get anything (like an airplaine ticket to Portland) is because my dad isn't nearly so cheap.. he (and my mom) just always make these attachments in their mind with things they 'give' me. Just get me the heck out of this house already. . . . babbled Lin |
