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OrientedDis.. Disoriented. |
Monday, January 21, 2002 *yawn* wow..seems I've been blogging like crazy in both blogs today. Well, 2 a.m. now.. I suppooooose I should go to bed, but I'm not the slightest bit tired :/ I was going to put a really strange picture here, but I'll just describe what happened (and maybe put the picture in soon if I'm not too lazy to upload). I was making myself a bowl of kix.. not the traditional 'cereal' though because I like kix w/ butter. mmmmm.. heehee.. my best friend was the first to introduce me to this *delightful* snack.. (8-9 years ago?) It's very easy to make, which is why I love it. :) I suck at cooking.. heh. Kix + butter + microwave for 50 seconds = snack I made the snack, took the bowl out of the microwave, and I usually can resist heat long enough to put the dang thing down, but this time I just dropped the bowl.. the bowl broke in only two pieces (right in half) and kix went flying everywhere. The sight was actually very funny to me, which caused me to take a picture ('because I can'.. digi. cams are great for stupid purposes ;D) .. heh.. I left the camera and mess there while I went to write an 'afk' message for aim.. figures my mom would HAVE to wake up, and go into the kitchen... and then she sees the mess.. she kind of wonders what the heck is going on and why I'm typing something on the computer while there's this mess all over the place.. but she's kind of too tired to care, and goes back to her bedroom. Yeah. sooooo. It almost reminds me of the time I kicked the pipe in and cause a minor flood in the kitchen less than a month ago, hehe, but this little event was much more 'minor'. *cough* anyway. wow.. this could go on forever considering no one is really on to chat to and I'm bored/not tired. :( oh. I discovered Paul really is -indeed- most likely "Paul" (which was in questioning on my other blog..) without asking him. See, he has this online g/f type thing (or wants it to be that way?) and she was on his 'friends' list on his diary. Heh, and she refers to him as Paul.. I'm proud I've at least known his real name since the *one* day he told me waaaaaay back, and then he never really told me again or kept it the same (i.e. Demetri??). heehee.. and I think his online infatuation thing (and the girl's - who I don't know) is really actually cute. I don't know what to think about it.. it seems like a similar situation I've been through, but it's like their 'thing' that they have between them is like what it could've been like for me had I allowed it. If that doesn't make sense, it's ok. I've always kind of wanted to know more about this girl he was infatuated with online (because it seems way intense.. he's always either writing a poem for her or thinking of her.. it seems?) and I want to ask him why exactly she's so special to him, but then I don't really want to be nosey or overly-curious at the same time.. heh.. but it's kind of interesting nonetheless. Hm, I've had an online infatuation.. I personally wouldn't call it an 'infatuation' though *shrug*.. I'm not sure what it is. Heh. It's the strangest most horrible thing. I have lots of guy friends online who are just great friends.. make me laugh.. people I enjoy talking to.. and most of them are probably more fun/interesting to talk to than this one particular guy.. but.. I don't know how to explain it... it's really one of the most horrible things.. it's like when I have a crush on someone irl.. it's intense and means a lot, and it won't go away after a year.. two years..etc. (is that 'crush' or 'love'?.. I don't know) .. and how many people do I 'crush' on?.. heh.. I can only count 2-3 (including the one online.. if a crush?)... though I usually try to convince myself I hate them to save me the bother of intense crushing. blah. My expression of words tonight is just one big -blah-. oh well. Anyway. when it comes right down to this online 'crush' (let's just call it that).. it's like this.. if he's not online, I'm wondering where he is.. what's he doing?.. he's online.. I feel good just knowing he's online and can make contact with me, even if he or I don't im each other.. I wonder if he wants to im me but isn't going to.. I wonder if he'll im at least something short and leave.. I wonder if he looks at my sn on his bl and wonders the same things about me that I wonder about him.. hehe, probably not. I often wonder if I'm all alone in whatever I might feel about him (which is undetermined.. but still enough to call it *something*), and I wonder if things he says to me have any real meaning to him, and if I should take him literally. I wonder what he's really like irl and what I don't have a clue about, and that's probably the main thing that keeps me from admitting to myself any literal feelings for him.. the fact that no matter what he might say online.. I honestly don't know much until I can see it from a rl perspective. *shrug* but I think if you come close to having feelings for someone online, then you've probably understand the most important thing about a person which leads to true love.. the fact that, if being true in saying your thoughts/feelings (.. and why wouldn't someone be? besides stupid stuff like a 'name'.. which I'm guilty of keeping concealed for extensive amounts of times.. no matter how well I might know the person).. but if you accept someone for who they are mind-wise, what's important to them, etc.. then really all that is left to discover irl is how true they stand by what they say, and 'looks' (if that's particularly important to you. I can say, honestly, that they don't play much importance for me in determining anything.. heh, my attraction to people is purely based upon what they've got going on up in their head.. lol.. I don't know.. so I'm weeeird. I just get super lucky if I find someone who has good looks + good thinking = idealistic guy... but if I'm not being idealistic, good thinking comes priority over all. Anyway. *yawn* yay, I'm getting tired. Ending this massive entry now.. good outpour of some personal thoughts there.. though completely un-eloquent. hehe. g'night. . . . babbled Lin |
