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OrientedDis.. Disoriented. |
Friday, December 14, 2001 *yawn* a lot has been happening lately, but kind of slowing up at the same time. Well, where to begin? The first thing that comes to mind is a massive fight I had with my dad (though that's not unusual), but I regret a lot of the things I say.. I hope he doesn't take them personally, even though I really do feel what I say (because I honestly am careful with what I say, and what needs to be said).. and basically one line, just because I might as well share how "evil" I can be sometimes, heh.. I yelled "Everybody in this family hates you anyway", and no one needs to hear those things, especially from someone who is part of their family. *shrug* I want to apologize, but my dad says mean shit to me too, and it hurts, and conflicts between us only get worse as I grow more logical in my thoughts and form "opinions" about screwed up things that he does. Anyway. :/ .. so I was crying my eyes out the other day, yaddayadda, and in the meantime my mom gets back home from Phoenix. She asks me what's wrong - I tell her - she lets our a sigh, gets angry.. then she just makes things worse by being harsh in her words w/ my dad, and my dad knows she's upset because I'm upset with him, and he asks 'what's wrong?' to her, she says "nothing!".. ..sometimes I think, if they were to get a divorce.. the only reason would be because we (the kids) have major problems with understanding my dad, and my mom is just able to put up with him?... ugh. my dad is so weird. He's got this complete "loving" side to him, and then at the same time a very "hateful/mean" side. Ugh, I could go on forever on the "issues" of why I see this contradiction in him, but I won't. *shrug* My mom comes home, I'm crying, my mom listens to the answering machine, I hear the answering machine - "Hi this message is for 'Lin' from the ASU Medallion of Merit Scholarship office - we're just calling to say congratulations you've been selected as a 'final' for the scholarship - your interview date is Jan. 18th. We hope you can make it, and once again, congratulations." ... Unfortunately I can't even take in the "good news".. I don't even care. Then today, Friday. I get my secret buddy the perfect gift. Well, not the "perfect gift" (that comes next week). For a class we have "secret buddies", heh, and throughout the semester we get our "buddy" a gift every month. Of course, out of all the people in the class, I draw the name of this one certain guy who became a really good friend of mine last year - he really took out the time to get to know me, lol, I think he tried to ask me out a couple of times (not sure? he was either shy or joking about the suggestions.. but either way I played it off every time.. taking them as jokes).. anyway.. ugh! To get to the pointah!... heh.. I decided to make the gifts "special", and each gift he gets has a theme, (like a movie theme).. and for each gift I create a replica "clapper" out of cardboard and put starring:___, from: your secret buddy!, Title:..., Act - ____, and so on. Well turns out he's at a soccer tournament from thurs.-fri., and I put his gift up at the main office to be distributed to him today (fri.)... then I realized he wasn't even at school today, so I go back to the office to pickup his gift, and the gift is gone! Stolen!!.. that got me really pissed.. and now the whole "theme" thing is messed up because he won't get Act2, and he won't even realize that I sent him "Act2" when he gets Act3 present next week. :( Oh well. He's always complaining to me about how he "needs a girlfriend", lol, so his next present (final present) should be good.. I'm thinking something like "I looked all day to find you the perfect gift and finally found it! (open card) Unfortunately I lost her in isle 12 :( ..." And then I'm going to give him two movie tickets (and some other stuff) w/ the message "this should help you on your way of finding that perfect girl!..once you find her, take her out! Happy hunting! :) ".. bleh.. something like that anyway?.. I'm not sure. Tonight I went to a movie with my sister (that's a first?).. we saw Oceans 11, and it was pretty good. :) Hehe.. the drive home was interesting, and I think I taught my sister wonders in how to drive on the roads w/ massive snow fall and NO visible lines could be seen on the road. Hehe.. oh.. and of course there's wonderful ice too. Fun stuff! Mmmm..yeeeeeaah. Anyway. Out for tonight! . . . babbled Lin |
