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OrientedDis.. Disoriented. |
Friday, December 28, 2001 hmmm. I was just thinking.. something very neat to me.. someone I met looooooong back when I first started chatting online, still ims me to this day! Is that not cool? Heh.. well considering some friendships online that have been the deepest and most meaningful have all ended sometime or another.. conversations just start to slow up.. and next thing you know, we're just never talking again.. days turn into weeks.. weeks turn into months.. and pretty soon, those people who were really good friends.. just fade off to their own lives forgetting about whatever friendship we had online. I never forget about those people - I wonder if they're able to forget me *just like that*?.. Just because we talked online, will I never hold a memory in their thoughts? So anyway. I just think it's completely wonderful for him to have kept in touch with me for this long now. He was practically the first person I ever met online, and no on else online even comes close to how long I've known him. We haven't always been consistent in iming in timely manners, and I am never the one to im anyone (unless I have something really important on my mind, or unless the person is my best friend - Michelle ;D).. so it's really been up to this guy to keep in touch with me, and he does.. even after weeks have turned into months :) Anyway. blah. I'm rambling. I just admire him for that.. I love people who keep in touch just to keep me updated on their life.. or just because I was on their buddy list and they felt they should say hello.. I love that. :) Unfortunately, recently, I think some of my most valued online friendships are slowly coming to a halt. I can just feel it.. I feel like cussing out some people who are bringing it to this.. but I can't.. I just sit back and watch.. slowly closing off to them. hm. I hope it doesn't end how I think it's going to.. but, I'll just say.. Derek.. I feel this urge to stop all contact with him.. not that I don't want to continue to talk with him, but, it's just too hard to figure some things out from him.. sometimes he tells me there's stuff I don't know about him that he hasn't told me (?).. does he want to tell me then? or no? Obviously not. I know I'm closed off sometimes, heh, but I'll open up about things if whoever is asking is really interested in knowing. *shrug* anyway. The ultimate piss-me-offer.. when Derek acts like he's interested in talking with me, and then just LEAVES.. offline! poof.. right before I can get a word in.. I want to ask him about stuff in his life.. you know.. how was HIS Christmas?.. but no.. he asks me how mine was.. acts all happy for me.. and then just signs off in the blink of an eye. pisses me off and I can't stand it. And this song just came on the radio.. it kind of fits the moment.. I don't know if it's ironic or what *shrug* .. I think I've already lost you I think you're already gone I think I'm finally scared now you think I'm weak I think you're wrong I think you're already leaving feels like your hand is on the door I thought this place was an empire.. now I'm relaxed I can't be sure I think you're so mean I think we should try I think that I need.. this is my life I think that I'm scared.. I'm thinking too much I can't relate and it's a problem If you're gone... baby you need to come home... there's a little bit of something in me.. and everything in you ciao. . . . babbled Lin |
