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OrientedDis.. Disoriented. |
Monday, July 09, 2001 hm.. what was wrong with me yesterday? *shrug* I feel fine today.. I feel great actually. Okay.. so since everyone already thinks I'm psycho *grin*.. I might as well say why I'm feeling better.. Well, I'm "religious". Yeah.. a dumb word. Religion really isn't anything unless it means something to you. You're ___? (ex: Christian).. heh.. well that means nothing to me, if you tell me that, unless I think you're one who actually has a "relationship w/ God".. I know, that sounds weird.. "a relationship".. but I mean, one where you think/know he's something more than just a word, heh, and you can actually.. talk to him as if he were right there with you. I'm a Christian, and I'm not saying "I'm more Godly over you" or anything by this post because I believe in ___.. heh.. yeah I cuss, I skip church every now-and-then for long periods of time, and I even use God's name in vain *smiles* I talked to God today.. he put on my heart/told me, that, "he has given me everything I could ever dream of.." no I don't literally have everything, but things I do have.. it's just.. amazing. and then following that: "why do you not think I already have the perfect guy.. the perfect husband.. lined up for you in the future?.... I have a plan for you, and you mean so much to me, and for you to doubt that everything I have done for you already was not for a purpose, is wrong. There's so many great things to come.. don't worry about them.." so.. *smiles again* .. lol.. yeah I know I'm all smiley, but when I felt that and heard it.. I'm at extreme comfort now.. to rush into a relationship right now would be awkward for me, because it would most likely just be because.. well.. "lust".. heh, not the sexual sense even.. just.. wanting someone, heh, and really that wouldn't be at all what I wanted, because I realize.. I would still feel empty.. what I want is, I don't even know how to explain it :)..I want... to love something about a person, and to notice everything about them that is good.. their talents.. their humor.. their intelect... and I guess I would want the same back. Maybe that's just not out there yet? .. and I don't want to be hurt...(of course not physically)...but in the way, I don't want short-term relationships.. I don't want a relationship where someone can just half-way get to know me.. heh, when I meet that right guy (and it's promised to me that I will.. :) ) I'm going to love him for everything, he's going to love me for everything.. and of course everyone have things they kind of *dislike* about someone, but the "love" aspect will rule-out the "dislikes". *grin* that might sound dreamy.. like.. "ooooh.. soooomeday I'll meet Prince Charming".. haha.. but it's not like that at all. I feel lucky though, because, "Prince Charming" is that one you just fall in love with (and we all have our "different" Prince Charmings..) and so.. yeah, I guess it is kind of "dreamy thinking", but it does happen... and I think we are all destined to someone out there, and God has told me I do have someone out there... ::laughs slightly:: I don't know why I feel weird about writing how "God talks to me".. but it's only right for me to say the truth-of-the-matter, 'cause he does. . . . babbled Lin |
